302: 8 Ways to Hold Space & Work Harmoniously with Your Lover
Featuring Rima Danielle Jomaa
What does “holding space” mean & how do you know if you’re doing it? How many positive exchanges with your lover must you have to cancel out the negative ones? Who do you vent to when your boss is your spouse? Listen in for an explanation of what it means to hold space for your loved ones, how to get ahead by doing “small things often”, and how to reframe your working partnership. We explore how to be successful if you work with your partner… and let’s face it - we all do it one way or another! Whether in your careers or by managing your home together, we all have to work with our lovers at some point. This episode merges science with relationships to understand what makes relationships work when you’re working together and what makes them fail… and when it’s time to let go.
What you'll hear on this episode...
FIND OUT: What is holding space? Minute 11 - 19
- Holding space is about being present for the other person to have their individual experience without judging or criticizing.
- The most loving thing we can do for others in our life is to be with them, listen to them, without having to fix, solve, help, or figure anything out for them.
- Holding space means you’re bearing witness while not feeling like you have to be involved, to reach, to be the victim. It’s not having to impact the final outcome.
- We have to let people go through their own processes, while being along for the journey.
- It's holding space for the good and the bad.
- Having a partner that holds space for you means that you have someone who allows you to change, to grow, to dream, to be silly... to be uniquely YOU and to love you for being you, regardless of how it impacts them.
8 Ways to Hold Space & Work Harmoniously with Your Lover
The positive exchanges MUST outweigh the negative exchanges (Minute 19-25)
It's science! The "magic relationship ratio", based on Gottman's research means you must have 5:1 positive to negative interactions in order for your relationship to be successful! Learn how to have more positive interactions.
Communicate or Bust (Minute 25-28)
Know your roles and communicate often about what’s working and what's not working. Then problem solve together to figure out how to move forward and COMPROMISE.
Understand that your partners grievances are not necessarily an attack on you and resist the urge to get defensive or to suggest solutions. Try to understand what the problem truly is, where each person stands, and how you can handle it differently moving forward
Maintain boundaries between work and home (Minute 28-31)
What happens when you want to home to complain about the boss and vent but what if you come home with the boss?
Keep up with your social lives and be sure to enjoy both shared and alone time outside of work and home life. And hang out with your friends together so you can remember that carefree version of your lover than you enjoy.
Separate your Self and see partner as an individual (Minute 31-33)
Partners are like mirrors to us and serve as a deep reflection. This is why we can have so much conflict at times - we see ourselves within our partner. That can lead to possessiveness and jealousy… and sometimes we might unconsciously feel like we have ownership over our partner and their process. We don’t. Once we realize they are an individual that has CHOSEN to come along this ride with us, they we can allow them the space to grow and have their own experiences.
Learn when to play the leading role vs the supporting role (Minute 33-34)
We all have our moments. Know who's time it is to shine and give them the spotlight. It’s not a competition! You both succeed when one of you succeeds.
Your differing strengths and weakness are what you make you a badass team (Minute 34-38)
If you’re a successful working pair, it’s likely that you share many complimentary yet different skills. Embrace that!
I give some personal examples of how this applies to my life!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Minute 38-40)
It’s really easy to slip into our nasty habits of being sarcastic or snooty to our partner when they are irking us. While it’s inappropriate to do so at home, it’s wildly out of line in the workplace. You must share a common respect for one another and the relationship or else things will go down hill very quickly.
CHOOSE each other daily (Minute 40-45)
You can always make adjustments in your life. Being part of a conscious relationship means that you understand that you will change, your partner will change and the relationship will change. Sometimes things are working, sometimes they’re not. Know when it’s time to let go - either of the work or the relationship.
Even if you're the boss at work, you are equals in your romantic relationship.
- 005: Redefining Divorce: Reflecting with my Ex-Husband - Episode mentioned by Rima
- The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science - Gottman.com
- Music on podcast by David Parry. Song is Open to the One. Please consider supporting David by clicking the link. On his music player, you can buy his tracks.
New on the #Podcast: 8 Ways to #HoldSpace & Work Harmoniously with Your #Lover - An explanation of what it means to hold space for your loved ones, how to get ahead by doing small things often, and how to reframe your working partnership https://t.co/g3pefjhOoK #marriage #couples— Rima Danielle Jomaa (@rima_danielle) August 19, 2018