4 Ways I Know I'm Not a Cow or a Calf

4 Ways I Know I'm Not a Cow or a Calf

Perhaps we are facing a confusion of identity. It seems logical to me that many humans mistakenly believe they are calves, needing and craving the milk of their mothers (cows) in order to lead some semblance of a normal life. Stuck in perpetual bovine adolescence, these humans mock the thought of drinking human breastmilk while reveling in the opportunity to consume all things dairy.

In order to make sure that I'm not the crazy one (I mean, there are literally billions of people that must think they're calves so it's a possibility that I'm off my rocker), I examined the differences between myself and cows to make sure I'm not losing my mind.

5 Reasons Why I'm Not At Burning Man

5 Reasons Why I'm Not At Burning Man

Maybe I'm alone on this one, and that's totally fine, but I'm just not a "festival" person. I've tried, and I get it - people loveeeee them. Be it Burning Man, Coachella, EDC, Wanderlust...  whatever thing you got going on, it's just not my jam. I've tried to force myself to be into it, I've tried to pretend like I'm into it, I've attended the events, I've smiled in the pictures. I have a high percentage of friends that frequent these events. So clearly, it's not that I'm below or above festivals by any means, or that I think I have it right and others have it wrong. It's just that when I face the cold hard facts of the matter, I can't bring myself to justify attending these events, for personal reasons.

I've spent a lot of time wondering what's wrong with me that I'm so weird and I've decided that nothing's wrong with me, I'm just different - and that's cool too. In the pursuit of figuring out why I'm so strange, I narrowed down 5 reasons why you won't find me at Burning Man.